“Look, our neighbour's son just got a job in the US!”
“Look how well your cousins are doing in their studies.”
“Why couldn’t you have fair and clear skin like your sister?”
“Why do you need so many degrees? You're going to manage a household anyway!”
If these statements don’t sound familiar to you, I might as well ask you what planet you’re from and whether it has more space for us humans to migrate to :D
But if you’re someone who has heard such things from family, friends, relatives, teachers, or even yourself, this blog is for you.
Growing up, we often imbibe the expectations society sets for us. It’s either Doctor/Engineer or nothing. It’s either fair-skinned and skinny or nothing. It’s either obedient and unquestioning or nothing. It’s either PERFECT (in society’s eyes) or nothing, isn’t it?
This all-or-nothing mindset ends up stopping us from achieving so much in life, from trying a new business idea to something as simple as trying on a new outfit; we are trapped in the cage that society builds for us when it tells us how everything must look or happen in a certain ‘perfect’ way.
Surrounded by the array of expectations of society, we grow up thinking these are fair and just, and start treating our minds, bodies and even our lives as objects to be critiqued or scrutinised.
Somewhere down the road, we blur the lines between self criticism and self reflection, between fair restrictions and unfair expectations of conformity, between BEING perfect and BECOMING perfect.
On one hand, ‘being’ perfect would mean one needs to be born perfect, completely aligned with a fixed set of expectations that parents, relatives and society have for us. On the other hand, ‘becoming’ perfect would entail a constant reflection and revision of our own selves and our surroundings, according to our own ever-evolving definition of ‘perfect’.
On one hand, ‘being’ perfect in the world’s eyes would entail unquestioningly accepting unfair restrictions put on us, meekly accepting unjust behaviour towards us, or uncritically conforming to society’s never-ending expectations of us without letting our inner selves actually explore the world and its opportunities.
On the other hand, ‘becoming’ perfect would mean building a sense of the world according to our own experiences and then setting boundaries. I believe such boundaries could either be about what kind of behaviour or attitudes I shall allow myself to have in life, or even about what kind of treatment I shall tolerate from other people in my life.
Maybe ‘becoming’ perfect goes even a step further than this. Maybe it means to learn the art of navigating life, to self-reflect and improve ourselves wherever necessary, to imbibe the skill of choosing our battles with society as the need be, and maybe to even have the courage to accept some ‘imperfections’ in ourselves and others with an open heart.
Becoming perfect is about recognising our own imperfections and then working to improve the ones that need change, and also accepting those imperfections that make us the beautiful and unique individuals that we are. Isn’t that what we learnt from Taare Zameen Par?
In addition, becoming perfect is about differentiating between 2 kinds of wrongs we see in society-- the first kind which cannot be ignored and must be forced to change and the second kind, those we must ignore for our own mental wellbeing and peace of mind.
Easier said than done, isn’t it? There are so many unjust things happening to us or others around us. It becomes almost impossible to stay quiet; and in those moments, our mind decides whether to fight the situation or accept it according to various factors: Is this battle a dealbreaker? Does this wrong breach a personal boundary for me? Is fighting this situation important to my mental health? Is it even possible to change the person in front of me by fighting or protesting? etc.
I believe the first crucial step to ‘becoming’ perfect is this hard-learned lesson that we must all understand with time: this skill of deciding whether to fight and change the situation OR to keep striving for our goals ‘despite’ the situation.
Not many around us get healthy relationships within the family. Not many around us are lucky to have an abundance of genuine friends. Not many around us get the perfectly loving partner they deserve. In fact, I don’t think we can ever be perfectly compatible with any human being in life. Life cannot be devoid of frictions, be it the daily bickering between a youngster and his/her parents, the daily ‘chik chik’ of a khadoos boss, or the daily irritating interactions with your landlord.
In reality, a perfect life isn’t devoid of all this.
Then what does it mean to actually lead a perfect life?
Well, it could mean various things to various people, but the one thing common in each definition would be that a perfect life is one that allows me to be me, lets me take care of my mental health, and helps me accept my imperfections and work on my weaknesses without the fear of constant judgment and criticism.
I know what you’re thinking right now… even having this ‘bare minimum’ is so rare these days!
And here comes in the GenZ Guide to ‘Becoming’ Perfect by a GenZ SAMite:
- How about we try and shift our perspective?
Instead of viewing mistakes and setbacks as failures, we view them as learning opportunities. How about we learn along the way that growth gradually comes from overcoming challenges and adapting to new situations, rather than as magic beans sown in our backyard? How about we learn that it is OKAY to allow ourselves the privilege of having these learning curves in life?
- Let’s talk about realistic expectations.
Clearing the UPSC Civil Services Exam or IIT-JEE or NEET exam in the first attempt and getting an All India Rank in the top 10 could be an expectation forced upon us by those around us, but is it realistic? Not at all! But isn’t each attempt we take towards our goal perceived as a failure? It is, sadly. What would be more realistic is to actually aim to cover the syllabus in one go and achieve gradual progress every time we take another mock test, right? It doesn’t matter if it takes us more tries than others as long as we learn from our mistakes every time, right?
- Let’s normalise compassion for ourselves.
All Izz Well might actually be the way to go! It’s easy to be overly self critical at times, but sometimes being kind and patient with oneself is actually what we need.
- Let’s be friends with feedback!
Constructive criticism is valuable for growth. Instead of fearing all kinds of criticism or outrightly rejecting all feedback we receive, how about we take a moment to filter out the feedback we actually need and then use it as a tool for improvement?
- Celebrate your own unique journey!
After picking our battles wisely, accepting all constructive feedback, and devising our own definition of ‘perfect’, let’s work on appreciating what makes each of us unique. Our experiences, strengths, and even our imperfections contribute to who we are and can be sources of strength and inspiration in a harsh and struggling world.
Remember, perfection can be a myth, but ‘becoming’ perfect will always be a real and rewarding journey of life.
We know that all these attitude changes require time, effort and patience. And to aid with this, we’ll let you in on a little secret! Life could be so much easier if we could just freely explore our innermost beliefs and thoughts, if we could just have a way to dive deeper into ourselves to find a solution to all our worldly conundrums! If only we could learn and ace the timeless science of Self-Realisation, right?
Drop us an email if you wish to learn more!